Never Trust A Man Alone With
by Seshut
Summary: Oneshot. A bored Inuyasha is in the modern era, waiting for Kagome to get home from school. What's that fuzzy thing lying on the coffee table?


A/N: This fic is dedicated to Sunny Duck.

_**Never Trust a Man Alone With…**_

Inuyasha shifted impatiently and sighed. He wondered for the umpteenth time how long Kagome's "test" was going to take this time. She had promised to be gone only three days. Today was the third day, and when she hadn't arrived by noon, Inuyasha got sick of Shippo's nagging and Miroku and Sango's accusing stares while they all "happened" to be spending the morning in the meadow near the well. Miroku was ostensibly practicing his meditation, but anyone who didn't know that would be forgiven for thinking he was training to build up his immunity to being hit with heavy objects. Sango was playing with Kirara and polishing her weapons - and testing them on a certain lecherous monk. Shippo made no secret about the fact he was waiting for Kagome (and the candy she invariably brought with her) and passed the time lecturing Inuyasha about how it was his fault Kagome had gone home. Patience was not Inuyasha's forte, especially where Kagome was concerned. He had taken the opportunity of Kagome's absence to teach Shippo not to annoy his elders and betters (the term is loosely applied here) and jumped down the well to hold her to her promise. He had been very disgruntled when Mrs Higurashi had explained that Kagome was not yet home from school, and that she had a test that afternoon. She also advised him against going to fetch her. She suggested he wait for her at the shrine instead, and offered him some ramen.

Mrs Higurashi had to go out grocery shopping, Kagome's grandfather was having tea with friends, and Souta was at school like Kagome, so Inuyasha was alone. He peered again and the black rectangular wand that was supposed to make the "television" work. He had seen Souta, Kagome and her mother all operate the device, but he couldn't get it to work himself. (The fact that he was pointing it the wrong way probably had something to do with it.) He had been too proud to ask Kagome's mother for help, and now when boredom dulled his pride, she wasn't there to ask.

Inuyasha shifted on the couch impatiently again. His gaze swept the room, coming to rest on the coffee table in front of him. He glared balefully at the remote for a moment, before his attention was distracted by a fuzzy object sitting next to it.

Inuyasha picked it up, careful not to snag his claws in the fabric. It was rather clumsily knitted, but brightly patterned. He examined it closely. He was almost certain he had seen Souta wearing a similar object on his head on a cold, snowy day. Kagome had called it a "beanie." Apparently, boys wore them in her time to keep their heads warm. Inuyasha wasn't surprised. Nearly every guy he'd seen here had short hair. Being weak humans, he was surprised their brains didn't freeze. This "beanie" had several differences. Aside from the gaudy pattern, this one had the two far sides joined by a sort of knitted rope – a chinstrap perhaps, to keep it in place? Inuyasha continued his examination of the object. He sniffed it carefully, closing his eyes momentarily as the delicious smells of tea, coffee, wool and Kagome met his nose. Inuyasha twirled the beanie idly around one clawed finger before making an extremely interesting discovery. There were two wide slits in the top. Inuyasha's golden eyes widened. His ears twitched. He stretched it between his fingers…It looked about the right size…He shrugged.

He tugged the beanie onto his head, mindful of his ears, which fitted through the holes after Inuyasha adjusted it a couple of times, using the TV screen as a mirror. The chinstrap was a little tight, but not overly so. Inuyasha admired his reflection.

His ears twitched as they picked up a familiar tread coming up the shrine stairs.

"Mama! I'm home!" Kagome called, as she entered the house and kicked off her shoes.

"Your mother's gone shopping." A familiar voice informed her from the direction of the living room. Kagome jerked in surprise.

"Inuyasha?" Her eyes narrowed.

"How long have you been waiting for me?" Kagome questioned.

"Since noon." He replied, a tad sulkily. Even though she couldn't see him, Kagome could just picture him crossing his arms with a familiar scowl.

"Inuyasha, I said THREE days, not two and a half!" Kagome said in exasperation, marching into the living room to confront him.

When her brown eyes fell on the hanyou, she did a double take, staring in shock.

Inuyasha was braced for battle, feet planted shoulder width apart, scowl in place, arms folded. The effect was somewhat ruined by his brightly patterned woolen headgear, through which his silver ears protruded.

Kagome took a deep calming breath, and his ears flattened, obviously expecting her to start yelling.

"Inuyasha," she said carefully instead, "Why are you wearing a tea cosy?"

"What?" The look of comical surprise on Inuyasha's face undid her. Kagome broke into gales of laughter.

"I thought it was a beanie with ear holes and a chin strap. Like your brother has." He explained rather defensively, tugging it off his head.

Kagome attempted to stifle her giggles with her hand.

"No, it's something you put around a kettle so you don't burn yourself touching it, and for decoration. I knitted that for Mama years ago. It was one of my first attempts at knitting, so it's not that good." She said, critically eyeing her handiwork. She'd almost forgotten her knitting phase in primary school.

"Oh." Inuyasha tossed it back down on the coffee table next to the remote, not quite meeting her eyes.

"Hey, how does this work again?" He asked picking up the remote, clearly keen to change the subject. He pressed a button experimentally, and dropped the remote in surprise when the TV came to life, with the volume turned up from his earlier attempts at turning it on. Inuyasha clapped his hands to his ears at the racket, and Kagome came to the rescue, grabbing the remote from the floor and turning it down to a reasonable level.

Just then, the door banged open, and a young voice called "Mama! Ne-chan! I'm home!"

"Souta! How was your day?" Kagome called back. Souta bounced into the room, excitedly babbling something about "basketball" and "scoring." Inuyasha didn't know about "basketball" but "scoring" was something you could do with your claws. Perhaps Souta was learning some sort of fighting skills? Inuyasha nodded approvingly. Pity Kagome didn't learn anything useful like that in school. All she learned about was weird stuff that had no practical applications in the real world, as far as he could see.

"Inu-nii-san!" Souta exclaimed, eyes lighting up when he caught sight of the room's other occupant.

"Hey." Inuyasha greeted him.

"I was just going to get something to eat. Did you want anything?" Kagome asked her younger brother. Souta shook his head, plopped down on the couch, and began channel surfing. Inuyasha followed Kagome into the kitchen. Maybe he could get some more ramen…

When they returned to the living room, Souta jerked in surprise. His hand flew to his head, and he quickly whipped the tea cosy off, blushing a little.

Inuyasha pointed and triumphantly crowed "Hah!" But to Souta's surprise, the comment was aimed at his sister.

She just shook her head, and muttered "Men."

_Maybe Yuka, Ayumi and Eri were right about what that hakujin comedian was saying about never trusting a man alone with a tea cosy…_

A/N: Just a silly little one shot based on Billy Connelly's assertion that you can't trust a man alone in a room with a tea cosy – he will try it on. Skeptical, I conducted a poll among my male friends, and discovered he was correct – even the highly fashion conscious metros admitted they would be tempted – especially if the other person was not going to be back for a while. It also stems from a childhood incident - my sister and I played dress up with tea cosies once when we were four.


End file.
